What's your Limit?

Today was an eventful one. Went shopping with a friend of mine and it was really long and exciting because she is having a situation where her alcoholic sister has come to live with her. I guess off top, that doesn’t sound too bad, however, when you are forced to feed, clean and rear a thirty something year-old woman, that can be a struggle.

So what to do?

Well there are a lot of choices. I told my friend, it just depends on how much you can do. And how much do you really want to do? Is now a good time in your life for a change (if there’s ever a perfect time for change J)? If so, continue on, do as much as you’re willing, if it becomes worrisome or begins to interfere with your everyday life, then reevaluate.

“But I don’t wanna even try”, she says, immediately following with, “but I know I should”. Man, haven’t we all been in a situation where we want to do the ‘right thing’, even when we are pretty sure of the outcome. It’s just something about us that wants to keep lending that helping hand, and take that one last ultimate thing to help or ‘fix’ our loved ones.

What’s the Limit?

We all have our own limit. We all have our own way of knowing, I believe most human beings are able to determine when enough is enough for THEM. Enough is judged differently by each and everyone of us and the point is for us to be aware of our own ‘Enough’.

There isn’t a measurement for how much a person can take from another person, but each person needs to decide what they can and wont deal with in their relationships. Furthermore, let’s not keep banging our heads against the same wall in the same spot and hoping we wont get a headache. Meaning, if your gonna push yourself and do more than what you want (or normally would) for someone, try doing it differently.

Example: If you normally make a rule that your alcoholic sister cannot drink in your house, no exceptions, with the consequence of being kicked out. Maybe you could do something different. Let’s be realistic, if your sister is an alcoholic, she is not about to stop drinking all of sudden just because you let her move in. (That’s a rare occasion, so anyone who’s experienced such a speedy recovery, Congratulations!J)

Maybe you guys could set ground rules about drinking instead. Agree to AA meetings, even discuss responsibility around drinking. There are ways to actually teach people, this takes time. Do you have time to do this? Hell, do you even want to?

That’s still up to you.

What do you really want? What do you value as a person? A sister? How would helping your sister feel for you? How will you feel if you can’t ‘fix’ her? (Because truth is, you probably can’t) These would be some questions to ask yourself in a situation like this.

And your most important question to ask yourself would be…What’s My Limit?

We have the right to our own limits in our relationships.

Set it. And be confident.

Whenever You’re Ready…™

Ms. QuiraA