I wrote this letter as a bit of advice to a client. After reading it I thought, anyone could benefit from this if they’re ready. I am a counselor who believes in spiritual resolution and obtaining new perspectives, once we look inward for strength we become powerful. I hope this advice is something that can help you gain a new perspective.
All names and associations have been changed and/or removed before posting.
Good Morning,
I got up this morning with you on my mind and when I checked my email I had this as a thought for the day from Oprah's website so immediately my mind went back to you. I want to tell you, all this work you are doing, all this learning about your own spirituality, meditating and understanding the science behind your mind, well you must use it to tell if it works.
The days when you feel like you just cannot go on and don’t want to, those are the days to practice. Those are your opportunities to make a different choice. Your subconscious mind/the Universe is constantly trying to work with you, allowing situations to come up and giving you the chance to practice your new way of being, when things are not joyous.
Yesterday was a big deal, you flaked out on yourself and you went right back to your old way of coping. Even if today is going great you did not use your tools when things are not going great, and I believe it's time for you to focus on what you are really asking your reality to be like.
For example, if your wanting and meditating on your partner to want to be with you and only you, that is not real meditating, that is asking for some magical shift to occur in another person so you can be with them, IMPOSSIBLE. Look inside yourself for answers of change. How about meditating on you wanting to be able to happily have a relationship with this specific person? That's what you said to me when we first met, that you want to be happy in THIS relationship. Even though you feel like the dishonesty is unbearable, you still want this relationship. Even though you feel un-chosen, you still want this relationship. So if you want to be in this relationship and be happy you are going to have to change your feelings.
The feelings of wanting to be chosen are not real, that is a made up absolutistic expectation of what a relationship should look like, or what someone should do for someone else. The feelings of being lied to are fake as well because that is another made up absolutistic expectation on how much a person should tell you about their own intimate thoughts and actions.
You have chosen to be with a person who is habitually dishonest and prefers to have multiple partners. You say you can accept the multiple partners, but... and you definitely can't take the lying, but... well neither of those will work. You must accept this relationship for what it truly is in order to move forward and in order to obtain your own happiness. And furthermore, I know you can! Because all this sadness you hold on to...it's not real. It's in your mind, how many times have you already heard this? You still don’t believe it?
You mostly know when he is lying but instead of being ok with who he is you get all upset and emotional about the lying. Stop putting yourself through the same negative emotions. Being sad is a choice SO IS being happy. You can choose your thoughts, you don’t want to be sad, think about what makes you happy. All the times you’re happy remember those thoughts because you'll need them. You must practice using them when you’re sad or all this work is for nothing.
Maybe it's time to start taking a look at what you’re meditating on and asking the Universe to bring to you. If what you’re asking for is something strictly from your own reality, then it can manifest. But you cannot create in another person’s reality.
You want your partner to do right, well ask for the ways in which you can be happy in this relationship until they get it together, ask for the power to love yourself more than you love them. You want to leave, ask for the power to see your reality so you can remain objective, ask to gain a new perspective about this relationship, ask that your habit of constant sadness about the same things be transformed into constant peace, joy or whatever!
But the point is you need new perspectives. That is ALL that this existence is about, that is what every book, therapy technique and psychologist will ultimately tell you. Life is ALL about perspectives. So it is time for you to get a new one, and one that actually works for you. And you won’t know what works for you and what doesn’t, if you don’t practice.
Warmly,
Ms. QuiraA
